I am not as brave as Alisa so I have been debating on sharing and talking about this topic. Sex. Intimacy. Alisa was brave and talked about it (Sex and Intimacy) so I figure I could do it to and not be embarrassed. Though I have to admit I still am...very embarrassed but I will just dive right in...
We all know that men and women are 'wired' differently when it comes to sex. I think we can all agree that our husbands think and want it more than we do. I am guilty of rolling over and saying "nope, not in the mood." or "hurry up and get it over with." And I am also guilty in knowing that I could probably get my husband to do anything I wanted by having sex with him more often.
So, here's the point and the embarrassing part...for the past month I have willingly and instigated more intimacy with my husband. He has been in shock, lol. But I wanted to share this because though it didn't start out as an experiment or really much of anything. I have really noticed a difference in our relationship, he has too. He is happier, making me happier. Tension between us has been almost non existent. By showing love in the form of physical contact we act more loving in our normal daily activities. We are much close and happier together. Even being more open and talking to one another is easier.
Only after this little non experiment have I realized that one common advice I hear Dr.Laura(who I listen to whenever in the car) give women who are having relationship troubles is to put on something nice and be intimate with their husbands.
Epiphany-sex is very important to men and it's absence can be detrimental to a marriage. It's more than just sex to our husbands too. It's us showing them love.
We put all this time and effort into being mom's, our church callings, possibly working too and whatever else we do. Our husbands see that and are hurt when we don't place the same effort and importance on them and their needs. (that's something I heard from Dr.Larua, it makes sense.)
My suggestion and challenge, which you probably just don't want to hear (I can hear all your reaction now in my head, thinking I am off my rocker) is to instigate some sex with your husbands as often as possible, every night would be good, for a week or longer. (I know this isn't sustainable but it's not forever, it's just one week!) And take mental notes of the changes you start to see and feel. Just a little experiment to try. I am guessing you'll have my same epiphany.
Whoa....sharing that was difficult.It feels taboo to talk about this kind of thing. I am 14 again saying 'it' for sex or spelling sex out in a whisper because I can't say it. LOL. I hope you guys don't think I am absolutely crazy! Or a nympho...
The Six "Be's"- Gordon B. Hinckley
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Red as a Radish...
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5 comments:
Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with the nympho part. Just kidding. Thank you for sharing, and it is so true...but so much easier said than done. Are you scheduling it or just "making" yourself initiate it more? Any more advice is always helpful!
LOL, the nympho part was a joke. I have just been trying to initiate it more, it seems easier(and possibly better) to initiate than to always get pestered for sex. Do you know what I mean...like by putting on an outfit or making up your mind to have sex makes doing it easier and more enjoyable.
It's so sad...we are talking about it like it is a chore and it so isn't. I used to enjoy it...I think women need more testosterone!
My husband would be in shock too if I instigated sex more often! LOL He would probably ask me if I was feeling okay. I loved your epiphany, Mary. I really needed to hear that. I guess I forget that my husband needs sex to feel loved. For me, I feel loved when I get a hug or when we cuddle or when my husband tells me that he appreciates me. I'm going to take you up on your experiment and see how it goes. I'm with Alisa, though, we do need more testosterone or something. It's really hard to get in the mood after being in "mommy mode" all day. I think I may be the radish now! Thanks again for having the nerve to share this, Mary!
I don't like talking to anyone about Bryan's and my relationship, but I have to say I read one of Dr. Laura's books (well I've read a lot of them) a few months back and she said what Mary just said. I decided to take Dr. Laura up on her advice and it's really true. I brings your relationship to a whole new level. In her book she said to try this for 30 days-even if you have to force yourself to do it. (Sounds harsh, but as women, we know we're not in the mood every day like guys are). Once you find that making your other half happy, he'll do anything to make you happy. That's very true! You'll find you're both a lot happier, more open and a lot closer.
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