Money. I am not sure how to bring this up but I felt that I have wanted to for a while. Talking about it for myself and for helping others. I am a stay at home mom. Therefore we rely on my husband to "bring home the bacon". Which he does very willingly and as far as I know he(we) wouldn't have it any other way.
I know I am not the only women who likes to shop and spend money. But it's very often that my husband and I argue about the money I spend. What I spend it on. This doesn't happen all the time but often enough that my husband feels very frustrated with me. (I know I am not the only one, many friends of ours have the same problem)
I admit that there are times I know I have bought something we didn't need. Or have just spent too much money for the month. Gone overboard.
We talk about it, ague, if I know I am at fault I say I will do better, and I mean it full heartedly. I make a conscience effort. It always comes up again. Maybe not right away but it does.
It's hard because this is just one of those things that men and women differ from. Men want to save, save, save. Maybe buy a cool computer or TV screen along the way. While women go out and buy a pair of shoes here, a book there, and Oooo...look at that adorable kids outfit...each month.
What do you do?
Our (experimental)solution(not yet in effect but will be soon) Separate accounts(sorry I know some think this is just wrong)...we are not doing this in the traditional way...not his/her...we are going to have a family account that is for saving and bill paying only. And I will have an account that is my play money(rule no asking for more money.). I know a wife on an allowance, I don't swallow that well either. But I have thought and thought about this. I need the help, it's that simple. I don't budget well or save as best as I could when it's all in one big pot to pull from. I also look at it this way, I am helping my family save. My family will benefit in the long run.
I know this solution isn't for everyone and some of you may be budget wizards, unlike me. I just thought I'd share and put it out there. For those that have this same problem. Know many of us do. And maybe you just need a little like me.
The Six "Be's"- Gordon B. Hinckley
Monday, June 30, 2008
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6 comments:
This is a tough one. When I worked outside the home, we had 2 accounts, and my paycheck went into mine and paid for certain things, and his went into his and paid for certain things. This worked really well for us. Now that I do not have much of an income (I do some work for my dad and uncle), I find myself feeling guilty about spending extra money. I am lucky that Michael has never said anything about what I buy, but that almost makes it worse, because it is like a green light to buy more! I say try it for a while, and see how it goes. The one thing that has really gotten to me is buying his gifts. Like it really hit me on Father's Day, and I told him if I ever start working again, I will save a stash in another account to use for his birthdays and such for years to come. I don't know, there is just something about using "his" money to buy "his" present. (I say that with quotes, because I know that is the wrong mentality!) Try it...then you will know!
We do separate accounts. It just works so much easier for us. He just "pays" me when he gets paid. My brother takes it one step further. They have a separate budget for food, for entertainment/dates, for clothes, etc. That way my sis-in-law doesn't feel guilty spending money on anything and if the money for that type of item is gone, she just waits til pay day knowing she has already spent a fair amount on that type of thing recently.
I don't really worry about spending "his" money or "my" money because I do bring a little (underline little) money. But, we have considered getting separate accounts just to budget better. Our big problem is that I'm more prone to buying little things here and there, which does add up, and Kyle is more prone to splurge on big things. He doesn't criticize me but we do sometimes have tensed conversations about money. I think that's normal.
Bryan and I have never had a joint account and it's worked out fine for us. We just never joined them because we both had things that automatically came out of our accounts and it would have been a huge pain to merge the two because of that.
Months ago we started setting a certain amount each month that we didn't need to account for-like play money. While Bryan is much better about not spending money than me, it's made it a lot easier on both of us having a little bit of free money.
I wanted to add that I know how you feel Alisa! It's especially harder when we did make good money before becoming stay at home moms and now you feel guilty when you use "his money" to buy him gifts.
Another thing we do is, I pay all the bills. It's just always been that way and I don't remember how it started. It's less stress for Bryan. I worked really hard at making a good budget for us too. I even prayed about it, which might seem weird, but it really helped. I have our tithing, bills, food, clothes, gas, savings etc all itemized out for each month. What's left over is our play money. It's been the best budget I've ever had
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