So, does anyone else have an issue with sex and intimacy...or lack thereof? Ever since Tye was born, I seem to have absolutely no sex drive. It goes even further to simply hugging and kissing, though. I want no part in any of it, and I cannot figure out why. (It is a miracle Kenadie was even conceived...lol). If anyone else has had an issue with this, please give me some insight on how to get over it. Tye is getting to the age where he will notice if his parents are affectionate towards one another. I remember growing up with my parents being very affectionate (they still go out on their Friday night dates), and my friends were always jealous of how close my parents were. I am sure I thought it was disgusting at the time. Now, I know it was detrimental to keep their marriage together. I want the same for my children, but I don't know how to get back there.
The Six "Be's"- Gordon B. Hinckley
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Sex and Intimacy
Posted by Alisa at 5:29 PM
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Ok...so I was talking to my parents, and they suggested having my hormone levels checked. So, if any of you are having the same issue (but too embarrassed to share) talk to your OBGYN about hormone levels.
So the best book ever on this, is one I got from Deseret Book. It's actually helped both of us, because I've felt exactly like you. I'm so glad I'm not the only one. I highly recommend this book, as Bryan has already read and I"m reading it. I bought to help me out. Please let me know what you doctor says-I'm in the same boat. Here's the book: And They Were Not Ashamed Strengthening Marriage Through Sexual Fulfillment by Laura M. Brothers, CFLE
I forgot to mention, that this book is awesome. It's helped me realize a few things, and helped me out. It's been great that Bryan read it, because he's understood a little more about things. The book talks about everything-not just sex, but things for the both of us. I still need to talk to my doctor though about my post baby intimacy issues. It could be because you and I are hitting the age where women aren't in their sexual drives too... lol
Thanks Alisa for being brave enough to bring up this issue. You're not alone in dealing with this, that's for sure. I think I'm going to look into that book that Katie mentioned. It sounds like it would be very helpful to all of us.
So, Jess and I have not hit this barrier yet but I think speaking with your doctor is a great idea and if he or she tells you it is not biological then maybe try going on dates or doing romantic things you and Michael used to do before kids. You know try to remember what made you fall in love with him.
Also, this could be a little embarrassing but spice it up...get some toys. Now, I am blushing!
I agree with Amy, thanks for being brave enough to bring this up. This is something that we all do or will or have at some point struggled with for periods of time in our marriage. I think that especially when babies are brand new it is the hardest because they require so much physically from you that it is almost impossible to think that you can give anything else to anyone else. I know for me when I feel like that it is mostly out of complete exhaustion more than anything. After being pulled at and held onto by the kids all day that is the last thing on my mind at the end of the day. Can he come home for lunch? :) There's nothing wrong with a little lunch time lovin'. :)
Okay....y'all have just made me feel a whole lot better. I know I have struggled with this forever. I know part of my problem has to do with psychological issues and hormones. I completely agree with Alisa...talk to your doctor. I am actually going in next week to have a whole battery of tests done, thyroid, iron levels, hormone levels, etc. I know I was diagnosed by one psychologist as having asperger's syndrome but my new doctor here thinks I also developed an attachment disorder. (It's actually a chemical imbalance in your brain). I know I not only have no desire for intimacy (I've had that since the time my older kids were the age or y'alls kids) but now it has progressed (5 babies later) into actually feeling tons of anxiety over having Bart hug or even kiss me. Then I see how hurt Bart is and it throws me into a depression because I feel lousy and then we both spiral into withdrawal because he doesn't get me and I don't know how to explain me! I also heard on the news this morning they have actually come up with some name for having no sex drive and were looking for people to try some new trial medication for it. Guess I'll wait and see what comes of it. Thanks all of you for your input....I know I can benefit from each one of your suggestions!
okay, i was totally like this after having my last and now that my baby is three it is back but not without pushing myself. the truth is, if we are going to be open, is that once i was "doing it" i liked it. it was the getting there part that was hard for me. just make yourself do it. write little love notes to your hubby during the week and even send him a slightly naughty email. it will make things more alive! and he will be more complimentative to you. i think we feel so unattractive after we have kids and have developed mom bodies that we don't feel pretty enough, when in actuality most of our husbands think we are more beautiful than ever! ALSO most important way to deal with this issue is to pray everyday. it seems a funny thing to pray about but it works! the Lord wants our marriages to work and he will help you more than therapy and medication!
Holly, you hit the nail on the head with us women not feeling as beautiful as we once were or how we feel we should be. It's hard to feel sexy or in the mood when you are looking in the mirror and not liking what you see. It's hard work but we can all be happy with our new "mom" bodies. And I am pretty sure all our husbands are all still happy with how we look, we just got to get there too.
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