I read this article on my friend Allison's blog and thought it was something that needed to be passed on. Don't we all feel this way sometimes. Thanks for sharing Allison!
Perspective: The Invisible Woman
By Nicole Johnson
It started to happen gradually. One day I was walking my son Jake to school. I was holding his hand and we were about to cross the street when the crossing guard said to him, "Who is that with you, young fella?"
"Nobody," he shrugged.
"Nobody?" said the crossing guard and I laughed.
My son is only 5, but as we crossed the street I thought, "Oh my goodness, nobody?"
I would walk into a room and no one would notice. I would say something to my family like "Turn the TV down, please" - and nothing would happen. Nobody would get up, or even make a move for the remote. I would stand there for a minute, and then I would say again, a little louder, "Would someone turn the TV down?" Nothing.
Just the other night my husband and I were out at a party. We'd been there for about three hours and I was ready to leave. I noticed he was talking to a friend from work. So I walked over, and when there was a break in the conversation, I whispered, "I'm ready to go when you are." He just kept right on talking.
That's when I started to put all the pieces together. I don't think he can see me. I don't think anyone can see me. I'm invisible.
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?"
Obviously not! No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.
I'm invisible.
Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a call to order, "Right around 5:30, please."
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.
She's going she's going she's gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this."
It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:
* No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.
* These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.
* They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
* The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. ! He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it."
And the workman replied, "Because God sees."
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.
I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
4 comments:
Wow, this is exactly how I have been feeling on a constant basis as of lately. I think to myself, I am the one serving my family 24/7 and yet I am the first to be forgotten. Or it's all the things I do for my children and I know as soon as they get close to adulthood they will have no need for me anymore...then what? What or who will I have then, I will have spent all my "glory days" sacrificing all the thing I could have been accomplishing and now I am too old to do any of it.
It actually makes me vary sad to think about.
Another thought that just can to me is how these thoughts could be similar to Jesus Christ's (he is perfect so I doubt he has had them). He is the one who has loved and sacrificed more than another on earth. And for each of us...but we are quick to forget.
And don't get me started on how good Dads have it...They go to work come home and are the glorious bread winners and ultimate playmates.
I love that story! It really stated exactly how I feel sometimes. Just the other day, I told Coult that I think I will start writing things down and having him sign the paper stating that he did in fact hear me! LOL It seems like my voice is tuned out so often that I begin to wonder if I'm losing my mind and not really saying the things I could have sworn came out of my mouth.
I will have to say though, that Coult has been very good lately to tell me thank you for all the things that I do around the house. The problem is, I always feel like I haven't done enough and that I'm not contributing that much since I don't bring home a paycheck anymore.
I love what Sara said too about Christ and how he must feel when we so often forget about the sacrifices He has made for us. It really made me stop and think about how important it is to be grateful to Him. And also to remember that no matter what we go through in life, He has felt our pain and knows best how to comfort us if only we would remember to ask Him.
I love that you're doing this Alisa! I wish you and I talked more about our depressions... I had it bad after Bryce and worse after Bryleigh. No one except for a few in my family, obviously Bryan and my best friend Tiffany. It's been hard, because every medicine I get on to help, I end up being severely allergic to. Just know that if you ever need to talk, I'm here. I know exactly what you're going through!!!
I also just love this article. I feel so much like that sometimes. Our bishop paid us a home visit awhile back and he gave us some very usually tips, ones that have made all the difference for both of us and for us together. Bryan and I both felt like this and I didn't realize it. Here's what he said-
1) when our hubbys come home, give them the biggest hug only a wife can give their husband. Don't talk about your day just yet. Tell him you're happy he's home and you love him. Then you can tell him about your day
2) our hubby's need to give us 15 mins of their complete attention-so they can listen to us just talk to them, about anything.
3) our hubby's need to make sure they offer to watch the kids for at least an hour a week so we can clear our heads and just be (as a mother) by ourselves.
4) say prayers/scriptures together. If the our hubby's work late, then do it over the phone.
I used our hubby's in place of Bryan and my name. We've been doing all this that the Bishop told us, and it's made a world of a difference. In stead of just feeling like we're invisible to each other, we're more connected and feel closer.
Thanks Alisa for doing something to keep us all connected! I struggle enough with my feelings on my own....add that to the move and being totally new and not knowing people very well is a struggle. I appreciate Sara too for the encouragement she offered by saying it took her a long time to feel happy and comfortable in Utah. It helps me to be more patient to try and build relationships here in Ft. Worth! I just have to express my gratitude to each person I know on this blog (Alisa, Mary, Allison, Katie, Sara) for each of you being key people in my life and each of you in your own time and way being an inspiration and help to me in my life. I also love this invisible woman article Allison found (she always is so good at finding inspirational thoughts). I hope somewhere in the span of eternity each of you will truly understand how small things you have done or said has provided some monumental change for me. Isn't it funny how one simple thought change can make everything different? I love you all and look forward to getting to know the other moms whose names I am not familiar with!
All my love,
Andrea
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