A young child, up to approximately age three, picks up about as many toys or other items as he is old. In other words, a three-year-old picks up three things, and then he forgets what he's doing. It's not within the realm of his maturity to expect him to do more without adult supervision.
Daryl Hoole
**She also lists chores for each age group, which I thought was pretty interesting. Sometimes I get frustrated when Tye will not pick up the gazillion toys he has taken out, but now I realize it is unrealistic for me to expect him to do that as less than 2 years old. I think I will go back to my rule I had (I think before he could actually play with many toys) and only have a few out that he can get to and then rotate them. It is worth my sanity to try. Does anyone have any suggestions on time-outs at this age? A woman at church said her 18 month old is sitting in time-out and he knows he must apologize afterwards. I feel that Tye has no clue what I mean with time-out.
The Six "Be's"- Gordon B. Hinckley
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Posted by Alisa at 9:08 PM
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I found this article in the Meridian Magazine online by searching family balance.
We started putting Luke in time-outs, mostly to be fair to Jacob who is ALWAYS in time outs for making Luke cry, when Luke would do something naughty Jacob would ask "doesn't he get a time out". So there you have the beginning of our discipline for Luke, but you know, it actually works. The first few times we did it he looked at me like I was crazy, but now I just have to say to him "do you want a time out?" and he runs the other way. We put him in his high chair and strap him in without the tray and turn it towards the wall. You might want to find some other way to contain Tye because now he doesn't exactly want to eat in that same chair. We also set a timer for a minute and a half. I heard somewhere that you should make time outs as long as their age. When he is finished I tell him the reason he was in a time out, have him say sorry to whomever he needs to, and then I tell him I love him. I'm not quite sure he understands all of that completely, but that's what I do for Jacob so I figure that it's good to start out the same and be consistent.
I read up on Meridian Magazine awhile back that a suggestion that has worked great for us, is what Sara said. Put you child in time out for how ever old they are. For 2, do 2 minutes. After ward, the lady said she would tell her child that she loves them. Sometimes when I put Bryce in time out, I'll tell him that I love him, but I don't like how he's acting and now he has to sit in time out. When I get him out, I'll tell him I love him, but mommy doesn't love how you were acting. I'll be specific with him so he understands what he was doing was wrong. Along w/ that, I'll praise him for when he's doing great. This seems to really work for us. I always hug him when he comes out of time out too.
I always tell him I love him when he gets out of time out. It not only makes him feel better, but it makes me feel better to.
I forgot to mention-the toy rotating works great. It not only keeps you sane when it comes to cleaning up, but it also feels like new toys when you rotate them. Really, they only play with so many toys at a time. That's what I've found any ways. I rotate toys on fast Sundays-it's easy to remember to do that.
Toddler age is such a difficult time to discipline. And every child is so different too. What may work for one child, might mean nothing to one of your other children. The most important thing I've learned about time-outs is to follow the rule of thumb about age--one minute per year of age. However, I've also learned that it's important where you do the time-outs. Putting them in a chair that they can easily crawl out of is not a good idea. Also, like Sara said, it usually won't work too well if you put them in their highchair because then they won't like to sit there when it's time to eat. For us, it works best to put Lily in a hardback chair where her feet can't touch the floor. Also, it's important to not talk to them when they're in time-out, no matter how hard they try to get your attention. The following advice was given by Lily's psychologist who dx'd her with high functioning autism, but I think it still applies to other kids too: Never go on and on about why the child was put into time-out once time-out is over. Just tell them "Good job for staying in your chair. Now lets try again." Then, don't say anything else because at this age, they will just tune you out anyway. Now, I'm not saying I'm great at following this advice, but I do try. Of course, telling them you love them is fine too, but don't overdo it or they will think that they're being rewarded for going to time-out by getting extra attention from their parents. Just my two cents on the issue. Now could someone please tell me how to be a better parent to my 10 year old who is at the awkward pre-teen stage? Wouldn't it be great if our children were born with tailor-made owners manuals? No such luck, huh?
I agree with everyone, such great advice. It's almost like you have to teach your child what time-out is before it really takes it's effect. And you know what as they grow your discipline will change, so I have noticed with Avery.
I am a big fan of Nanny 911 and she has great tools when it comes to discipline. Among what all the other ladies have already suggested, she says to have a designated spot in your house, bend down to there level(not to tower over them) when talking to them, look them in the eyes, and let them know you love them afterwards.
I love the idea of rotating toys, I have been meaning to do this for some time and just have never gotten around to it. I feel like Avery has so many toys that many of them get over looked and never played with anymore.
Y'all are such great moms! I really like what Amy said about keeping it simple. I also read a study (back when I was teaching 3rd grade at the title 1, "inner city" school) that children do not hear the word "don't". I have found this to be strangely true! DON'T go in the street (there are the 5 kids in the middle of the road).....DON'T color on the walls (a brand new mural along the hallway)....you get the idea. Instead always speak in do's. If y'all read Allison's blog, you may remember the one with Kinzie and the cut hair. We left the kids out on the patio doing artwork and I remember Allison telling Kinzie at least 3 times, you can use the scissors but DON'T cut your hair. Within minutes Kinzie had a new do. I have found recently that my kids feel more empowered (and are better behaved--even my 2 year old) AND I get what I want if I simply give them "do" choices. Do you want to color on white paper or construction paper? Do you want to cut the paper or put the scissors away? Do you want to get in your car seat and come with us or stand in the driveway? Do you want me to tuck you in your bed or get in all by yourself? It's fantastic! They pick for themselves and I haven't been blamed for "making" them do anything! They get praised for good choices much more frequently, and tend to repeat things they were told were good choices. I love how all of you brought up the importance of "I love you", in good choices and after consequences for bad choices. Thanks for all your input!
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