I find it really fascinating to observe other moms. At the store, the park, the pool, church, in their homes really wherever I have the opportunity. Sometimes it's really discouraging because I often end up feeling really inadequate. Many times it seems that they handle things better than I would or are much more patient than I consider myself. Other times I find it inspiring. I am in the young women's program at church and we had a cake decorating activity where a mom brought her 18 month old son. I thought to myself "I am so glad my kids aren't here", but as I observed her I learned something. I'm sure that she would have rather left her child at home, but as she decorated her cake, she smiled. Not at me, or any of the girls, but at her son. I know this seems like such a small thing, but as I watched I wondered if I would have allowed myself to smile at my kids through the frustration of trying to keep them out of the frosting. Her son eventually went and played across the room with a few toys and she decorated her cake. Every time her and her son made eye contact she smiled at him. It was really sweet to watch, he knew that his mom was happy with him. I have been trying this all week. Smiling at my kids. Not just when it feels natural to do, but the times that it doesn't. I have seen a change in my kids moods, they do seem happier, more content. Their eyes sparkle. You know what, it makes me happier too! Smile, it's therapeutic!
The Six "Be's"- Gordon B. Hinckley
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
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Hmmm...I am going to try it too and see how it works for us. I hope you aren't ever watching me, Sara! I have no patience, and I am constantly tell Avery to cut it out or she'll be in trouble. Why does it seem like I am always disciplining and never having fun with her?
I love that Sara! I read some where about smiling and how it gives your children confidence in themselves when they know that their parents are happy with them. Parents tend to smile at their children as a form of approval. I always try to smile at the kids. There's times when I've been frustrated and I may snap at Bryce not meaning to and I realize he's waiting for me to smile at him or give him a hug. When I do, he just melts my heart with his big hug and smile. A smile seems to make things all better, even when they're afraid. A smile also seems to assure the kids that they are loved, they are cared for and they are safe. It's like a security blanket for them. This made me think of something else, I was reading up yesterday on something and it lead to an article about laughin. It said kids laugh 400 times a day where adults laugh maybe 15. I realized how up tight I get w/ things, instead of just enjoying everything little thing in my children's world. I've decided to start laughing more. I think the more you smile, the easier it is to laugh. I want to laugh more. So Sara, you'll need to share w/ me your secret. I've always admired how well you are with you boys. You guys are always laughing and having fun. You're so patient with your kids. You're a great parent!
Patience...yeah, I think that is definitely something I could work on. A simple smile may help me and my kids feel a lot better. I know I do not smile enough, and they say that kids can sense what mood their parents are in, and I bet that has a direct impact on their behavior. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for sharing that, Sara! I know I should smile more too and be more spontaneous. I mean, I knew that I wasn't the most fun mom in the world, but a few weeks ago Natalie said something to me and it really hit me how I must come across to my girls. Natalie was laying in her bed getting ready to go to sleep and I came in her room to tuck her in for the night. For some reason, instead of just leaning over and giving her a hug and a kiss like I usually do, I just sorta bounced onto her bed on my stomach. She looked at me and said "Mom, do you realize that you just landed on your stomach?! You've never done that before." She giggled and smiled at me and gave me this look like she was asking where has this fun mommy been all my life? I thought, wow, am I really that serious all the time that this was such a big deal? It made me realize that I get so wrapped up in telling my kids how to behave, etc, that I forget to just have fun with them. That's something I really need to work on because I don't want them to perceive me that way. I feel like I have almost zero patience with Natalie & Lily and I think part of the reason is that I forget to just let them be kids sometimes and I worry too much about everything.
The article, Katie is talking about is in this months ensign if anyone is interested in reading it. It's called The Power of Laughter by Gary K. Palmer. I enjoyed it too.
Thanks Sara! It's funny...one of the things that sticks in my memory of you most is your smile. It is true that it does affect kids. I know our favorite nursery leader was Tonja Howa and I think the kids loved her so much was because she smiled and laughed so much. And Mary.....WHAT? Something that sticks out in one of my earliest memories of getting to know you was seeing you at the mall at the playground. Sara had told me you had a baby and were taking care of a baby. You showed up with two babies and I couldn't tell which one was yours and which wasn't. I watched you kiss both little heads, run to each when they tipped over, talk to them in soft soothing tones and I thought.....what a great thing for those babies to be in her care!
Andrea, you are so nice...I am wondering what mom you saw at playgroup because I'd like to meet her. ;)
It's funny I read something the other day on lds.org from a talk...When You Feel Inadequate as a Mother By Claudia T. Goates
"We all seem to measure ourselves by what we see in others, and that’s others at their best, scrubbed and polished physically and emotionally. Yet we judge ourselves by how we feel when we’re at our worst. Consequently, we’re sure to come out on the short end of the stick, always inadequate."
You just made me think about it.
How true that quote is. Women are so bad at judging themselves so harshly. Like today...I took Tye to the doctor for an allergic reaction, and my mom came with me to help with he and Kenadie. Tye was nonstop the entire time, and then we went to the grocery store where they both started screaming. I felt like such a failure that I could not get my kids to calm down. To top it all off, not 2 minutes after getting back in the car, Tye was passed out, and Kenadie was not far behind. I started thinking about single moms, though. I at least had help, and I still felt overwhelmed. I thought about how many people have it worse, and that I would never see these people that were staring at me ever again.
Andrea-I don't think I've ever seen you not smiling! You're right about Tonya-I'd love to smile and laugh as often as she does. I've always admired that type of people kids flock to. If you watch kids, they always seem to be drawn to people who are always happy, smile, laugh etc.
Mary, thanks for making the note that the article was from the Ensign. It's from Sept. one and it's a great article.
Mary, yes, I have watched you and you are honestly one of the most patient people I have ever met in my life.
Katie, I love that thing about how often kids laugh in a day. I was watching my kids and it is SOOOO true! They are laughing a lot and I found myself trying to laugh along with them, forced, but still trying. I need my imagination back!
Andrea, what a wonderful mother you are! I love reading all of your insight. I totally agree with you about Tonja and how she is always smiling and laughing.
Alisa, is Tye okay? What's he allergic too?
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