I have pondered this topic a lot the past month and Katie's blog about gratitude just reminded me of it again. I am sure all of you have heard the many comments and quotes about how hard and important motherhood is but how rewarding it is at the same time. This is especially prevalent in the church. I myself have felt the pressure to think and feel the same way about motherhood but find myself unable to feel the truth in these statements. For example, I find myself complaining to others about how difficult of a time I have had with my children but then feel the pressure and need to end it with how great I think it is, even though I am saying these thing I wonder why because I don't fell this way. I think this is another one of those pressures we get as mothers, to enjoy motherhood at all times and never think otherwise. Do any of you feel this same way? Please don't get me wrong I love my little girls and would do everything to protect them and keep them safe and happy but I find it hard to see the reward and blessings everyone talks about. I've struggle with this so often since Adyson's birth.
Everyone please tell me one blessing that has come thru motherhood to you.
I think this may help each of us gain some prospective and remind us why we were so eager to have children.
The Six "Be's"- Gordon B. Hinckley
Monday, August 27, 2007
The Reward and Blessings of Motherhood.
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7 comments:
Good point Mary. I used to feel this way and I've finally gotten to the point where I am really starting to feel and realize the blessings with out feeling a bit negative sometimes. I'm enjoying all the little the things, even though at times it's tough, but I don't want have my kids grow up and then me wish I had enjoyed things more. I've decided to enjoy each moment, good or bad (even the fits). I also decided I wasn't going to be envious of other women/mothers. With personal tragedies my family and some friends have had lately, with miscarriages and premature babies with complications-I feel so blessed that I have my two healthy babies! I feel blessed to be their mother and that I'm able to stay at home with them. Like I said on my blog-I'm so grateful that I don't live somewhere were I have to worry if they're going to live to see tomorrow, in the sense of bombs, disease and such. This past few weeks as I've read different books on different things around the world that people deal with, I've become even more grateful for these things I've taken for granted-their health, living in America, health insurance etc. (that wasn't a run on sentence or anything). Don't sell yourself short Mary-you're a wonderful Mother!
I think that what you are asking is basically why I started this blog. I agree 110%. I know that the church is really trying to help us with these feelings, but frankly, help can't come fast enough. We had stake conference yesterday and one of the speakers was a woman asked to speak about these issues. The problem with that is that one of her children is 28 years old. I have talked to my mom a lot about issues I am having, and while they are similar to what she experienced, things have changed. I really did not find her talk to helpful. I still felt inadequate. I am not sure what I would have said differently, so maybe that is something I can work on. I would love to enjoy motherhood...I just have to find a way to do it!! What are some of my blessings?? My children's smiles. They could light up a room with their smiles, and I am able to forget everything else for those precious moments. Hugs and kisses. Tye has got to be the most affectionate little boy I have ever seen. He has probably hugged and kissed me 10 time this morning. I would do anything for those hugs and kisses.
Thank you, girls for helping me. I am striving to enjoy the small things, to smile more often, and to love being a mom. Which seems easier said than done. Alisa, thank you for being such a great friend to all of us and starting such a wonderful forum so we can all come together talk through our problems dealing with motherhood and know we aren't alone.
That being said, the one thing that just makes me feel the best is having Avery come up and give me a hug and say "mom, I love you." finishing it off with a kiss.
Since Sara's post about smiling I have made an effort to do so because I am way too serious and I have known for so long. My mom once told me Avery was a totally different child around Jess(because he is far from serious) and that's when it hit me that I don't have enough fun with her...That I am too serious! Smiling helps.
So after rambling a lot, I just want say I love all you girls, you really do help me be a better person in all aspects.
Mary (and everyone else), don't feel bad about motherhood not being quite what you expected. I think that most of us have to live for those "moments" when everything just seems perfect. But, to be honest, those moments can be few and far between sometimes. Notice I said "moments", not entire days or even hours. ;) When Natalie was a baby and a toddler, I would get so bored and think that I would never find enough things to do with her to fill up the day. I also took for granted that she was healthy and developmentally on target. Since Lily, I've been forced to see the other side of things whenever your baby/child isn't as healthy as you would have liked. That being said, even though I'm more aware of how grateful I SHOULD be, I still have days when I don't think I can stand to clean up another spill, wipe another bottom or answer to every "Mom! She's bothering me!" that I hear. But, I try to think of my girls beautiful smiles and all the ways they constantly remind me to never take a moment for granted. Hang in there! It does get easier when they leave the baby and toddler days behind. Heaven help me when Natalie's a teenager...
I forgot I was going to add something earlier, and this is such a church answer, but it's really helped me. That's prayer. How many times have we heard to really talk to our Heavenly Father, he wants to hear our problems. You know, prayers are answered in the strangest ways sometimes. Seriously, I feel that in little things and little moments, Heavenly Father has really answered my prayers and is helping me w/ the daily struggles I've had with ppd and so forth. It's not that I don't have bad days, but lately it's been better as I'm learning to take each day as it comes with all the rewards and so forth of being a mom.
Mary I definitely agree with you. We are constantly hearing about how rewarding motherhood is but the rewards are definitely hard to see at times. I love what Amy said about the wonderful times being 'moments' not days or weeks. I think that is great perspective. Something that is rewarding for me is learing from them. My kids have taught me more about patience and Christlike love than I could ever have learned on my own. Watching the way that they love me and our family so innocently and so willing to forgive is really humbling. They are, by nature, forgiving, loving, and compassionate. There have been so many times (too many actually) that I end my day apologizing to Jacob for being grumpy or getting frustrated and he just throws his arms around me and says it's okay mommy, I love you. There are no grudges. He loves me with all of my faults and imperfections. That is one of the greatest gifts that can be given. It's seeing through the times that are not so smooth that the rewards seem even better.
I love all of the comments that have been made! Such great insight everyone. I feel really inspired to start counting my blessings. Thanks for posting Mary!
Through the travails of life, the frustrations, sorrow and sometimes sheer pain of being a mother, how often do we take the time to thank our Heavenly Father for the unfathomably wonderful privilege He has given us to raise His children, to teach them and to love them? How lucky are we to be in the presence of princes and princess?
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