Anyone who has been around my daughter, Avery, the past three or four months knows she is a sassy little girl with a major attitude. I realize it's normal oldest girl behavior(or so I have been told) but today while at Target I was beyond embarrassed when after I told her to get out of the small fridges and no she couldn't have a bottle of water. She look me straight in the eyes, and sternly said "I need some water, mommy" and went straight back to doing what she wanted to do. I felt so embarrassed that while checking out I was the one put in my place by a three year old! (no she didn't get water.)
Avery is so sweet but she has no problem telling me and other people the way things are suppose to be (in her mind anyway). I was even embarrassed at Chick-fil-A when I saw her on the playscape pulling two boys apart, pointing her finger at them, and telling them to behave. They had been pushing one another. Yes very cute and funny at the time but when we get home the attitude comes with us.
Jess thinks she has learned it from me, which I am sure she has. The second culprit would be television. Then Jess say we should encourages her so she will not be afraid to stand up for herself.
So, here's the thing is she really just pre-wired to be a sassy, bossy, oldest girl in the family, with an attitude. Or can I try my best to nip it in the butt, though I don't look forward to trying to punish her every time she does stuff like this because she would spend most of her life in time out-Seriously!
I even have problems trying to sit down with her and color, play games, or do any kind of fun project because she will be very stern and tell me not to do this or that. And show me how it is to be done right or that she needs to do it. She is quite unbelievable sometimes. I usually tell her she is not being very nice and I will not play with her until she can change her attitude. I will get up and leave but it doesn't even phase her one bit.
The Six "Be's"- Gordon B. Hinckley
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Sassing
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3 comments:
I am the oldest in my family and my mom said I was a bully that comes along w/ the sassy attitude, but I wasn't sassy. My parents did not allow for us to be sassy and they worked hard w/ me not to be a bully. My Mom said it was hard at first when I was Avery's age, because she enforced the rules that that wasn't allowed. It's something that's cute at first, but quickly can get out of hand if not stopped. There's a difference between allowing your child to stand up for themselves and being sassy. What you don't want is her loosing friends when she's older due to them feeling she's a bully/sassy. And you don't want her to learn that it's okay for her not to listen and obey you guys. With Bryce, he knows he's not allowed to talk back or say NO to us. We've been teaching him that if does that, he'll be in trouble by loosing some privileges (we'll take some trains away or something that he was playing with while doing this) or we'll leave (whether it be the grocery store, play time, a play date at someone's house or where ever) where we're at. He's caught on every quickly at 2, that that's something he doesn't do. He's gotten a lot better. We just decided we're putting our foot down on that stuff and when we say something now, we do it. I noticed that last few times that we've gotten together and let the kids play somewhere that she's gotten really sassy/bully to the kids and you. Maybe it's just a phase, because she was used to being able to do boss Ty around and now she can't. At the same time, they're also at the age where they're going to be testing us to see what's acceptable and what's not. Maybe start a reward system with her or do a chart w/ stickers. I know what also helped with us, is we always praised Bryce when he was good, so he also knew the difference when he was doing good and wasn't. I'm still learning things too. There's a difference between the first child being a boy or girl and how they act. I think w/ girls it's the "mama hen" syndrome.
This is a tough one. On the one hand, you don't want to stifle Avery's independence. But on the other hand, you don't want her to develop an attitude problem. I think that Katie's advice was good--you want to make sure that she treats you and others with respect. When Natalie was younger, she never really talked like that (that I can recall, anyway). Lily on the other hand will just pretty much say what's on her mind. I just try to consistently remind her that she isn't allowed to talk to me (or others) that way. I also try to praise her and reward her if she is talking in a kind, respectful way. Positive reinforcement is helpful because then you don't feel like you're constantly correcting them without ever building their self-esteem. It's also very important to be consistent. If you let her get away with talking that way one time and then get onto her about it the next time, it will just be confusing to her. I think that attitude has a lot to do with personality. I'm the oldest and as I'm sure Alisa will agree with this--I'm a very stubborn person when my mind is made up. I always remember getting in trouble for wanting to have the last word. It sounds like Avery is strong-willed and as long as you guide her in the right direction, that personality trait can be helpful to her in the future. My stubborn nature has actually been an asset during some tough times. It's just kinda difficult when you're dealing with a toddler and thinks she's in charge. Parenting sure can be a challenge.
Well....seems like you have a highly intelligent, assertive, independent little girl! One thing Bart does with Jennaveve that I really liked is when she is sassy Bart looks her right in the eye and says, "Jennaveve, can you think of another way to say that with a please or may I?" It has actually worked, she feels like she can have her say but it is a polite question. Now we just need to figure out how teach her to be gracious when the answer is "no"! Ha!
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