I think lately the blog has been fantastic. It has been a great pick-me-up during these rough times. But, I really need to know how you all do this every day. The last couple of days have been really rough, and I even got to the point that I was saying I did not want to be a mother anymore. I lost my temper with Tye today and swatted his leg...and I feel so guilty (even though I grew up with corporal punishment and I am ok.) How do you all get through your days? I find myself constantly looking at the clock counting down the minutes until Michael gets home and I can unload on him (which does wonders for our marriage.) I am at a loss. It gets really frustrating and I know that I am not the only one dealing with motherhood, but how does one survive? What do you guys do during the day to keep your sanity? I feel like all I do is clean up messes and hold kids. I am even considering hiring a nanny and working to pay for her...just so I can get away. That doesn't seem like a good solution, though. And to those of you that have kids that aren't babies and toddlers, does it get easier? It helps to write my feelings down, so actually this has helped a little. Tye just crawled in my lap...that helps, too.
The Six "Be's"- Gordon B. Hinckley
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
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14 comments:
(((Alisa))) I'm sorry that you're feeling so down. I have had those days, months, years ;) myself. I do think it's hardest though when you're children are babies and toddlers. I remember having those days when I just wanted to say "I quit!" "I can't do this anymore!" I still have those days now, but not so much as before. I still feel guilty that I absolutely do NOT want to play dolls, etc with my girls. I don't know if that's normal or not. I feel like I'm supposed to WANT to do those things, but I just don't. I mean, I do it sometimes anyway, but it's really hard to have my heart in it. I remember once hearing a mom say that she just loved playing with her kids, and I thought "What the heck is wrong with me?" But, I think that's another thing that's misunderstood about motherhood. I don't think we're supposed to love it all the time, but we keep going because the sacrifices will be worth it in the end. It's just that the clock seems to tick by so slowly some days that it's really hard. I don't know if this will help or not- and I am guilty of not always being interested in the effort it takes to do this- but I think getting out of the house and meeting up with a friend and doing something with the kids, even if it's just a trip to Target, can help make the day not seem quite so long. Of course, there are those days when there is just no energy to pile the kids into the car, so on those days, call up a sister (hint-hint) or friend and have a venting session. Chances are, no matter how crappy you feel, your sister, mom, friend will be able to sympathize. I promise if you call me, you can vent all you want and I won't give you any of those ridiculous speeches about how it can't be THAT bad. Because you know what?--it can be THAT bad and some days just really stink. But, if it helps, it does get better as your kids gain the skills to entertain themselves somewhat and are potty trained, etc. Hang in there and remember that I love you and I'm here for you.
Alisa, you're definitely not the only one who feels like this or has felt like this. I started taking some time for me during the day. Either I get up earlier when everyone else is asleep (I should say I try, because it doesn't always happen), or I'll take time to do "me" stuff when the kids are asleep (they hardly ever sleep at the same time). If I can wake up earlier, I'll just sit and ponder or do whatever. It allows me to just be me. I've started to do more reading, which has really be a great therapy for me. It's helped a lot. During the afternoon if they don't nap together, I'll put on a movie and sit in the room w/ them and read. It's done wonders for me and not being so stressed out and feeling everything else. Writing in a journal helps too. Another outlet for me is rearranging-I'm always rearranging things around our house. It drives Bryan nuts sometimes. Find something that's your out let and do it. Do it every day if you need to. I think we tend to forget that it's okay to put ourselves first. We need to. My OBYN told me that. She also said that making time for personal exercise helps a lot too. Our Bishop told BOTH of us the importance of moms getting some time to themselves to just unwind and clear their heads. It's important to take time for you-I finally just got to the point a few weeks ago that I needed to make sure I took some time for me. I wasn't happy, Bryan wasn't happy and so on and so forth. It's made a big difference with just getting away, even if it's reading a good book for a few minutes.
I like what Amy said. I like we both posted at the same time, so I'm posting again since I just read what she wrote. You know, a trip to Target w/ someone else even w/ the kids make a difference. Mary and I will sometimes call each other up and meet up at Target just to get out and have adult interaction. Another thing I do too, is once a week I'll take Bryce to Barnes and Nobles to let him play w/ the Thomas the Train table they have there. While he's playing w/ other kids, I get to visit w/ other moms who are up there to take a little break as well. I'm always here too if you want to call.
Hey, Alisa I am so sorry you had a bad day. I really do mean that with all my heart. I understand what it feels like to loose your temper with your kids, spank them then feel awful for it two seconds later! I have actually had to really sit and think about how to correct this in my life and try my hardest not to let it happen. Sometimes if I feel I can't take anymore of the kids I go put them in their rooms, come back downstairs and sit for a few minutes, sometimes I'll say a little prayer for help. But even just a break to breath helps. I also notice that getting out of the house every couple of days really makes a difference. Even if it's just walking around the neighborhood or going to a kid friendly place.
None of us moms are perfect and we are all in training when it comes to motherhood. CALL me, I'll have a grip fest with you. ;)I just had one with my sister a few days ago and it made me feel loads better.
I love you, Alisa. I am always here for you...whatever it may be.
Oh, just had another thought and this may seems little but as parents when we make mistakes it's important that we tell our kids "I am sorry" and you know what it really will lift any guilt we are feeling away.
Thanks for all the comments! And that is really crazy that Katie and Amy posted at the exact same time! I didn't know that Barnes and Noble had a play area. Michael and I are staying in Beaumont for a week, and I really wanted to get out today and go let him play somewhere, but the parks are ghetto (and hot), and we did Chic-fil-a yesterday. I think I may get brave and try that tomorrow. You all are a great help. I am so grateful to have friends...and a sister/friend :)...that I can be so candid with and not feel judged. I think I need a starting place. I feel like everything is out of control, and if I can get a grip on everything, then it will help. I love you all!!!! And Amy...you are DEFINITELY welcome if...no, WHEN...we have our girls retreat. (And anyone else that needs a little girl time!)
Oh for the love, I am sitting here crying my eyes out people!!! Alisa what you said really hit home for me and what everyone else said too. I feel like I am at the end of my rope ALL of the time and then a few days will pass and I feel better and my rope gets a little bit longer and then it snaps again. Vicious cycle. I don't even know what to do with my kids sometimes. Does this make me a bad mother? Do my kids suffer because I get frustrated so easily? Do they know that I love them even when I lose my temper? It's funny because if anyone came to me with those questions I would sincerely answer 'of course not, you are a wonderful mother', but for some reason I can't seem to believe it for my own situation. Sometimes I feel like I'm just going through the motions of motherhood. Eat, Clean, Nap, Wipe Bums, Wipe faces, Clean, Clean, Clean, Eat again. And then something will happen that gives me a boost and I think, "Oh, yeah, I really like being a mom". About a week ago I completely lost it. I mean total nervous breakdown. I was crying to Danny, and I mean really crying, about how I was not cut out to be a mother and I just don't know what I'm doing and I stopped for a minute because I heard Jacob (who I thought was asleep) crying in his bed. I went in there and asked him what the matter was and he told me that he heard me crying and that made him sad. So I told him that I was sad because I didn't know if I was being a good mommy and I just wanted to make sure he knew I loved him. I will never forget the look in his eyes. He wrapped his arms around me and said, "You are the best mommy in the whole world, now do you feel better". Who would have thought my little three year old that I was crying for would end up being my therapist. Goodness I need help :).
Alright, something that I do, and it has helped me a lot, has been taking time to evaluate my day. I found myself venting to Danny every night about how I didn't do this or that right today, I lost my temper at Luke, I got frustrated with Jacob, and so on, and his response would always be something like, but you did take them to the park, or you did go for a walk, or hey, they got fed today didn't they?
So at the end of my day I TRY to go through what good things we DID do ... and I have to admit, even if the only good thing I can claim for an entire day is that I smiled at Jacob when it seemed like he needed it, or I was there when Luke just needed his mommy, hey I was there and that in itself is success. Is it easy.... no way. Do I want to throw in the towel? All of the time. Just keep your chin up and keep going. You are sooooo not alone in feeling like this. I love you and I would love to talk whenever!
Oh my this is long! Sorry about that.
Yeah, I was crying, too, writing that, and reading everyone's comments. What Sara said about Jacob telling her she was the best mother, made me smile. After I swatted Tye today, I had him come "cuddle" with me, and I had my head under my arms, and he kept kissing my head. It really made me feel better (until he hit Kenadie in the head with a pole that I asked him not to play with 10 times and I almost lost it again.) I don't want this blog to be all negative, and I love the positive things lately, but it seems like everyone has had a rough couple of weeks, so, please use this to vent. I liked Katie's idea of a journal, too. This is a safe environment, and if you are about to go off the handle (or already have) come here, and tell us. Then, we do this all over again, feel better, post happy things, and go on about life!!!
For the Love Sara! I'm crying reading your response! lol
This is a wonderful place Alisa that you've set up for all of us to come here and talk and not be judged! It's comforting because I tend to think that I"m the only one feeling this way, when really we all are. Sara, I love what you wrote! What Jacob said to you made me cry. It reminded me of something else I wanted to put which helps me out and helps Bryce. I got it from an article I read on Meridian Magazine's site. When ever I put Bryce in time out, I always get him out by telling him I love him and I didn't like how he acted. I always tell him I'm sorry too if I mess up and I always tell him I love him. Sometimes time outs are the best, because you each get a brief moment to compose yourself and then start over.
Good luck at Barnes and Nobles! I'm sure you both will love it!
This discussion has made me feel better too. I feel like I'm always losing my patience with my girls and I thought maybe I was the only one. I wanted to add too that you may want to check out local libraries. Our library here has story time for babies/toddler as well as preschoolers. It's not just listening to a story either-it's also about dancing to kid's music and doing crafts. It's another great place to hang out that's free and has A/C. I agree about Barnes & Nobles too. My girls love the train there and if I remember correctly, B & N also has story time, with a snack included. Thanks again, Alisa, for giving all of us a place to vent and support each other.
Haven't read the other comments yet...
Well, what worked for me when my kids were younger... First off, I went to my doctor and got on anti-depressants. Second, I made exercise a priority. I got a double jogger and each morning after breakfast I loaded up the kids and we walked around the neighborhood. Sometimes I'd be gone for an hour and a half or more. Third, I found a friend and I forced myself to meet her at the park at least 3x a week.
LEAVE THE HOUSE. That is big. Take the kids and the stroller and a sack lunch and go to the mall and window shop. Take a magazine and go to McDonalds for lunch and let Ty play while you enjoy a little break. Also, take one day at a time. Don't look at this as a life sentence. Loom at it as one day. Focus on today, and don't think about tomorrow until you wake up.
Wanted to add this link... I wrote this on my blog a few months back. We ALL have crappy days!
click here for link
Wow...everyone needs to read Allison's link. Thanks for sharing, Allison!
Allison has awesome blogs!
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