First off, I am sorry for all the posts I have been making. All of you must think I am irritated and yelling at my kids all day. Which I do have those days and they feel often sometimes but we do have a lot of fun times too. At least that is what I keep telling myself.
This morning Avery and I had one of those mornings...again. I feel really upset about it for a couple of reasons. One, I feel bad that for some reason I just can not handle her independence when it comes to getting dressed. Two, I do feel a little irritated and justified in feeling so. Third, kids have a way of putting you in your place, innocently and then telling everyone about it.
For quite some time now Avery has been really picky when it comes to her clothing. I have come to the resort of she can dress herself because I just can't handle trying to help her and always fighting about it. I often get asked "Did Avery dress herself today?" That should give you some ideas as to what she puts on. And frankly I do not care much because I feel relieved that I didn't have to help, argue, or deal with a fit. So, I let her wear a white dress with yellow flowers that looks to fancy for the park, a pink jacket, red socks, and pink sneakers. It's all good.
I have also come to the resort that I can not shop for her either. That is just how picky she is. A couple of weeks ago I went shopping without her and bought her a sweater dress. I thought it was good because it was a dress. But nope she will not wear it. (all of a sudden she does not like the color grey-where did that come from?) Nor will she wear any of the jeans that are brand new with tags on and everything hanging in her closet. I can't return them because I bought them at the end of last season when they were clearanced. What a waste. She is going to have a reality check once we can no longer afford new clothes for her. (I know I am a little irritated with the situation, I just can't help but think she is so spoiled and we are looking into a recession that our family is feeling, frustrating.)
Back to getting dressed...it's all good...
Until we are on a time crunch. This morning I actually let her pick out Ady's clothes too. It made her happy. I did something right this morning. I have asked Avery to get dress for 15 minutes. She wants me to help. Pick two underwear's out, she picks one out of the two. Whoa, that worked, what a relief. I pick two outfits. (Jess' suggestion) Present them to her, pick one of the two. Nope, not good enough. Here comes the fit, laying on the floor, you know the drill... "I want a pink dress." There isn't one, well one that is too fancy for school, I do have to draw the line sometimes. I just get up and say "fine, dress yourself." (not all that calmly I must sadly admit) Avery continues throwing her fit and cries more. I go downstairs to do the other things to get us all ready to take her to school...make her lunch, feed Ady breakfast, ect... I am down stairs thinking... Why don't I just take her out of preschool? This is not worth it. Then I come to realize next year she'll be in Kindergarden...that will not be an option. What will next year be like at 6am!?!
Back upstairs I go. Avery is waiting for me. "Mom, you hurt my feelings." There is the innocent putting me into my place. "I am sorry." I give her hugs. We talk about it, much calmer now. I say "I feel frustrated and upset that you won't get dressed. Why?" reply "Because I don't like anyone else picking out my clothes." well, why did she ask for help? I wonder. "That is fine, I said you could go pick out your own outfit." Avery gets dressed, she does initially go for the fancy pink dress, but then picks a blue one with white polka dots. Then we go brush her hair and teeth. I put a blue flower in her hair. "I don't like blue." Breath. Close eyes take deep breaths. Avery is wearing a blue dress, what is she talking about? I say "That's fine."and she ends up forgetting about the flower by the time we finish brushing her teeth.
I drop her off at school and she tells her teacher and friend, the only ones present at the time. "My mommy was being mean to me." Again with the putting me in my place. I couldn't help but cry when I got the the car. Even now I am tearing up. What is the big deal? Why is getting dress such a big problem? Why can I absolutely not handle it? Gosh, What is wrong with me? It's not a big deal. I should be able to handle this. Why does Avery have to be so picky and independent? Why does it drive me nuts, out of my mind, pull out your hair crazy. I never thought I was bent on being in control but WOW is this something I've got to let go of. I wonder does Avery act so picky and independent because that's her personality or because of my reactions? Maybe a little of both, I know without a doubt she does have the independence trait.
I need to get a grip, that is also without a doubt.
The Six "Be's"- Gordon B. Hinckley
Thursday, November 13, 2008
picky, independent, spoiled
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4 comments:
Mary, we REALLY need to get together. This is the whole reason I started this blog, and for some reason the last few months everyone else seems to be doing great. I told my therapist the other day that I don't necessarily want everyone to go around grumpy and complaining about their problems, but a little honesty once in a while would be great. We finally have the internet up and running as of a few hours ago. I am getting a cold or flu or something, so I am about to go to bed, but I will start posting again soon, also! I also got an email from a reader that wants to post, so I will set her up as soon as I get a chance!
Mary, that is so frustrating. I don't really know what to say, Jacob doesn't care too much about the clothes I pick for him. He hates getting dressed in the morning, but it's because he would wear pajamas or sweats 24 hours a day if I let him. I think you are doing the right thing by letting her express her independence and wear the outfits she picks. I'll bet sometimes that is hard to do. I've let my kids pick out their own clothes before and it's quite a sight. I just try not to think too much about it.
Have you ever tried having her pick out her outfit the night before (down to the hair accessories, socks, and everything) and laying it out so she is still in control, but doesn't feel rushed in the morning and you don't want to pull your hair out.
I have been having a hard time lately with that same frustrated feeling towards my kids. Different issue, but same feeling. It's hard for me to deal with the stress of their different personalities. More accurately, 'different from the way I think they should be acting' personalities. I have such a hard time letting go of my own control issues that when they act out of line by my standards, I feel like I am going to go absolutely crazy. I'm still trying to figure out how to avoid 'setting him off' (specifically Luke) over certain issues. It is daily struggle. I am with you. Ugh.
I know how you're feeling too. I have had so many days lately where I feel guilty about how I'm behaving towards my children. I've got one who is heading toward those dreaded teen yrs and one who is still emotionally/developmentally a 3-4 yr old instead of her real age of 6. I thought I would be done with the whole "toddler/preschool" issues by now and yet I'm still in the thick of it. Sometimes that makes me really angry and I get so sick of walking on egg=shells wondering what's going to set my youngest off into a melt-down. I think you are doing the right thing by letting Avery pick out her clothes. Giving her a choice of two or three outfits is a great idea. That way you can have some control over what she wears, but she still feels like she's in charge. Then again, sometimes you have to just let them dress in something absolutely tacky and somehow put a smile on your face and go out in public with them. LOL I know you've done that too. This age is so difficult. I think it's more so lately because the spirits that are coming to earth now are even more stubborn than our generation! LOL But, then again, they really have to be considering the things they will have to face as they grow older. It sure makes it hard to parent them, though. I'm the type of person who likes order and contro, but somehow my children just aren't into that. LOL I'm really trying to relax lately and just deal better with whatever comes up, but that's hard to do when your 6 yr old is throwing a fit and refusing to get out of the car at school because you forgot her back-pack (long story) I really hope that we can all get together in person soon and just vent about all this stuff. I think it really helps to know that we're not alone.
Mary, I know you and talked about this the day it happened but I want to say you're doing a great job! I'm already feeling frustrated w/ certain things and Bryleigh just turned two (today). We're already battling over clothes. It must be a girl thing. LOL Bryce never had issues w/ this. Anyways, I just want to say that you're a great Mom! I know we all go through these stages where we feel we're not, but we need to remember we are (I'm one to talk). This is just as much of a learning stage for us, as it is for our kids. This nice thing is knowing you're not alone in how you feel. We're all there w/ you or have been there before. :)
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