So, somehow, I have created 2 serious "mama's babies." They love their dad, too, but it is almost out of control how much they need to sit with me, hold me, be with me. (Does that sound bad??) It is not that I don't want to ever hold my kids, but during the day, when one wants to sit with me, so does the other, and it turns into a horrible mess, with me frustrated and making them both get off of me. When I take them other places, they cling on me like someone is going to steal them away from me. We have a loft upstairs with countless toys, and a tv, yet, they still have to be where I am. Toys trickle down the stairs, blankets, pillows, and whatever else, and before I know it, the downstairs is a HUGE MESS! How can I get some time to myself?? Why do they not want to play with any toys? I am telling you, I think I am not bringing anymore toys in this house. (Ok, maybe not really, but wouldn't that be nice??)
Am I just being selfish? See, I think this is why I want to work outside the home..for me time, but then what happens when I come home after being gone all day?????????
The Six "Be's"- Gordon B. Hinckley
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Momma's babies...
Posted by Alisa at 8:31 PM
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3 comments:
This is something that I struggled with, myself. Gabi was SUPER clingy -- to the point of not wanting to do anything other than sit at my side. I realized it was a problem when we went to the park one day and Gabi wouldn't play at all unless I was right next to her.
Eventually, I decided that I would enroll Gabi in preschool. I needed her to know that she would be ok with someone other than me and I needed her to become more socially savvy and independent.
Since doing it, Gabi has really blossomed. She still likes to be with me. She still is super snuggly. But, now, she'll go to nursery without screaming. She'll play with other children more readily. And, she's learned SO much.
I do work while she's in school - but, it's not that much time. (9-12, T-TH).
Anyways, I know preschool's a heavily debated topic but it helped me with my clinginess problem.
I think this is something that's really hard to put into perspective. When you're in the middle of all the "clinginess" day after day it can make you go bonkers. But, then one day you realize that your kids are growing up and aren't so clingy anymore and you think "Hey! What about me? Remember your mom? The woman you used to be glued to?" I think the key is to remember that these stages seem like they last forever, but in reality we are only going through them for a short time and before we know it, we will miss all those hugs and kisses and clingy kids. But, believe me, I understand about living in that moment where you want to pull your hair out. One thing that I found helped me (at least it helped me not feel so guilty LOL), was to set aside a certain amount of time each day to really play with my girls and then afterwards I felt less guilty telling them that it was time to give mom a break for a bit. At one point I even had a schedule (very flexible, of course) where we did certain activities at certain times and then in between I could take a break and not feel bad about telling them I needed some "me" time. Another thing that helped was forcing myself to call up a friend and meet at the park or somewhere and let our children play while we chatted. Of course, that isn't always easy because it sometimes just seems easier to just sit at home rather than gather up all the gear required to leave the house. LOL Anyway, I'm still a work in progress on this problem. I just keep trying to remind myself that this is a season in my life where I will have to put my children first a lot, but that eventually it will be less about their needs and a little more about finding myself again. Don't know if this helps or not. Just know you're not alone. I think we should set up a phone hot-line sorta thing where we can call each other and just talk about the crappy day we're having (without feeling judged) and then get it out of our systems. Sometimes I get tired of pretending that everything is fine and that in reality I mess up a lot in this whole "mommy" thing and would really just like to know that I'm not the only mom out there who feels like a failure so much of the time.
Amy, I really liked your comment.
Let's get together soon, Alisa.
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