I know not everyone who reads or contributes to Happy Mommy belongs to the LDS church, so I am sorry if this is way off base for you, but maybe it's not? Do any of you feel a little or well a lot of expectations from life. I brought up the LDS church because for a some time I have felt bogged down and almost insanely anxious and nervous attending church and other functions. I have come to the realization that I feel this way because I feel pressure to say, do, act, and BE a certain way as a LDS member. I may be going into paranoia here but I almost feel like I am being watched and scrutinized. Watched to BE this certain way. The expectation is definitely there. An expectation to be a great faithful mother/homemaker, wife, daughter of God...
I have made some new friends with my neighbors and one particular neighbor that is becoming a very good friend. They are not LDS. Over the last week or two I have been out with them on a girls night and also on a date night for her birthday. I have noticed a huge difference when I am around them and around my church friends. No expectation. Ok, not all my church friends make me go into a anxiety attack (I am exaggerating) but when it becomes a bigger group I guard up a little. I feel an instant pressure from the expectation to BE someone. I don't even know this someone I am suppose to BE. Whoever SHE is I am not HER. If I am not HER than I am not sure what will happen.
Maybe I am just a little crazy?
The Six "Be's"- Gordon B. Hinckley
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Expectations
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
I really never post, but I read this blog. Mary, I just wanted you to know that I totally understand where you are coming from. There are expectations that we put on each other about how crafty we should be, or how spiritual we should be, how much we should play with our kids etc. I know not everyone in the church is like that, but there are different expectations in larger group settings. It is hard to battle how to handle it and to feel comfortable with what I am doing and knowing it is my best. Non-members don't judge us like members tend to judge. I am not pointing fingers because I am sure I have been on both ends of it. It is a hard balance and something I think as sister and friends we can work on and be aware of. This is not really coming out how I had hoped, but I just wanted to say that I understand actually what you meant in your post and that I sometimes feel that way too.
I'm sorry you feel this way. I know you're not the only one. I've felt like this before and I know many other's feel this way too. I say just be you and don't worry about what anyone else thinks or says. There's always going to be people in the church and outside the church who will be there to judge you no matter what. I think Satan uses a great tool against us, as women in the church. We put pressure on ourselves to be the "perfect molly mormon" so to speak, and worry that we don't add up to certain sisters.
I've have formed very close friendships with friends outside the church as well and I too feel less pressure when I'm with them. I don't know why. I mean, I guess it's because I'm not worried about all the little things they could be judging me on. Not saying my church friends judge me either. I think that puts the pressure on ourselves. We worry about people judging on us on whether or not we can cook well, sew well, do crafty things well etc. When really I don't care if I can't sew as well as someone else. That's something I want to work on, but it's not a natural talent of mine. I don't know if I'm making sense. I do know and understand what you're saying though.
Know you're wonderful and that you don't need to worry about feeling pressure from anyone. Everyone's at various stages in life and many are feeling the same way. The person you are is a wife, mother and wonderful friend.
I, too, know somewhat how you feel. I say somewhat because in a way I'm almost the opposite. Admittedly, most of my friends (especially my female friends) are LDS, but in a way I feel that I have to be a bigger, better example when I'm around my non-LDS friends while I can be more of myself (which is definately NOT "Molly Mormon") around those in my ward.
It wasn't always this way. It was the worst when I lived in Ogden, but almost as bad when I first moved to Tucson. I found, however, when I got to know people in Tucson and realized that everyone has their struggles and ups and downs it was easier to be myself. I still didn't have many friends in Tucson and I still felt rather guarded, but that changed when I moved "home."
Dan and I moved to Albuquerque in Feb/Mar of 07. Not only did we move back to where I grew up, we moved into the ward I grew up in. Everyone knew me (okay... almost everyone). I felt this insane need to be more than I was, to be what everyone would have expected my father's daughter to grow up to become (my father was Bishop, then Stake President, and finally Area Authority while I was growing up... lots of pressure). I walked in there and realized I just couldn't do it. I couldn't pretend. So I didn't. And I felt like no one cared, they were just happy to see me again.
A year later and I've moved to yet another ward. I went from a ward of "mostly deads" to a HUGE family ward where I was afraid I would get lost in the crowd of young mothers. Maybe it was the welcome I got. Maybe it was the lesson I learned that each person has issues. Maybe it was the sense of "we don't care just as long as you're here" I got in my "home" ward. I don't feel that pressure to be perfect as much now. I've been willing to open up to others and learn of their differences and share my differences with them. I'm still getting to know people (it's been less than a year), but I don't feel afraid to be me.
The point of this long rambling is: don't give in to that feeling. You are YOU. You are the best you that you can be right now. Everyone else is in the same boat. Are you judging others thinking that they aren't perfect? Of course not, and they aren't looking at you either because they have their own problems to sort out. Open up, do you visiting teaching, BE YOU!
I hope you don't feel like that around me. No expectations here!
No, I don't Alisa. :)
You're not crazy. I think we all feel this way from time to time. We put waaay too much pressure on ourselves to be a certain way depending on who we're around.
Post a Comment