Do any of you ever "lose it" with your kids? Earlier, Tye came in to show me how proud he was about putting some white stuff on his face, and I instantly thought...Desitin. He'd actually already had it once today, and I was sure that I had put it up, but that is the conclusion I jumped to. I was mad. I took him by the hand...not gently, really, and went all around the house looking for it. Then, I saw Kenadie, who I had just bathed after eating pizza. She had Tye's pizza in her hand and on her face, and clothes. Again...mad. I was so frustrated by this point, I was yelling, and I just put Tye in his room, and cleaned up Kenadie and put her in bed, too. I was feeling really bad by this time, because when I found Kenadie, I had also seen the ranch dressing that Tye had on his plate...the mysterious white stuff. I went into his room, he was curled up on his bed, and I sat with him and apologized over and over again. He finally turned over and smiled, but I still feel like crap (sorry...that's about the nicest way I can put the way I feel right now.) So, do any of you ever lose your temper, and what do you do after you have? Or, for those of you that manage to keep your calm, how in the world do you do it?
The Six "Be's"- Gordon B. Hinckley
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
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5 comments:
I totally sympathize with you! The other day Emily was screaming from gas and Garrett comes running around the corner with the chair covers Id just ironed, (I help a friend of mine with wedding stuff and she pays me for ironing..he has been told and knows better than to mess with them...he was acting out because I was busy with Emily) he had about ten of them in his hand and they were passed wrinkled!!! I was suppossed to meet her to deliver them in the next hour! I followed him into the eating area where they were and he had knocked down the whole stack and had all but 40 of the 100 to the ground and had his nasty chetto hand prints on some of them!! I yelled get to your room, you know better..mind you Im screaming...I popped his hand and closed his door but didnt shut it and went to go clean up the mess! During my clean Im still very angry but Emily started crying and I could hear Garrett..I looked up at Emily and she had these big crocadile tears in her eyes and was looking at me like you hurt my brother (or so my guilt made me feel) I immediately picked her up and went into Garretts room..by this time Im crying and I too began to apologize over and over...and Garrett just hugged me and kept crying so did I..eventually we all got better went into the kitchen and had a popsicle and the next day I finally forgave myself..but I prayed for patience that night!! Bj told me the fact that I had remorse makes me a good mom...it made me feel better! Thanks for sharing Alisa!
Nikia
Alisa and Nikia, I have never share or talked about this kind of thing because I have felt so ashamed that I have ever lost my patience with my kids and that I have screamed or spanked them in the mist of loosing my temper. The sad truth is I know these situations too well. I hate the kind of person I am when things like what you have explained has happened in our home.
The only thing I know to do is to pray for help. Sometimes right at the moment it is happening. I go to my room for a time out and force myself to humble myself and get on my knees(which is SO hard) and pray. Usually I cry too.
I have always felt like I was one of a very few, if not the only mom especially Mormon moms who loose myself to such emotions. I really do feel like I am out of control when it happens and I can't regain control back. That's another reason why I can only pray because I can not get past it without help.
Alisa, you are so much braver than I. I have NEVER EVER talked about situations when I have lost my cool and taken it out on my kids. Not even with my husband. I am more than ashamed and feel so, so guilty for having such a temper.
When I hear people compliment me by saying "You are such a great mom." That's when I think of times like these and think I am not such a great mom.
I am really bad about doing this too. And Mary, I'm with you--every time someone tells me what a great mom I am, I flash back to all the times that I have just lost it and acted like a real jerk to my kids. I always apologize to them, but I still feel so guilty about getting angry with them and losing all control. It's even worse when I realize that I have jumped to a conclusion and gotten really angry before I even knew the whole story. I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one who does this. But, like Nikia's husband told her, at least we feel remorse. We took some classes last year to prepare to adopt (we still haven't adopted--but that's another story). Anyway, after hearing some of the awful things that mothers do to their children, I didn't feel like I was quite as horrible of a mother as I thought. I'm not saying that it's okay to yell, but at least we aren't making our children kneel on uncooked rice! There are actually parents that do that! And worse! I think the most important thing is that we are trying to improve and our children know that we love them and that even mommies make mistakes. As long as we apologize and try to do better, I think it will be okay in the end.
Alisa, I really envy you for talking about this. It's something I don't talk about, but yet ALL moms have been there and done this. No matter what they say. I did this the other day and it brought tears to my eyes, because I felt so bad for jumping the gun and getting upset with Bryce. I thought he had done something that he hadn't done. I did the same thing you did-I apologized and told him how sorry I was. I said it so many times, but I still felt like crap. I have learned something-our children are the most forgiving. I think that's one reason why the scriptures say we need to have the heart as little children.
I've also learned that taking a moment to step and give yourself a "timeout" works well too. It allows you to take a deep breathe and think a moment. This helps me not over react, when I usually would. Sometimes it's hard, because we do get worn out and tired and we do make mistakes.
If you didn't feel bad for doing that, then you wouldn't have learned from this mistake. Even though our children are small, and may not understand, saying "I'm sorry" goes a long way for us and them. YOU ARE A GREAT MOTHER! Just make sure to take a few moments for yourself during the day and if you're feeling too frusterated, take a mommy time out-it does work!!
Ahhhhh I feel a little relieved to read all of these comments. Being a mom is hard. I feel like I lose my temper too often with my kids and I agree with Amy and Mary, when people tell me I'm a good mom I think about every reason why I'm not. I find myself apologizing to my kids a lot, and feeling even more awful at how easily they forgive me.
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