Hello, happy mommys! This mommy isn't very happy right now. You know how we get when our child has been hurt, especially through the hands of a BULLY. The kids get over it much more quickly than us moms do.
Well, my middle son, Andrew (he will turn 7 next month) has a friend he loves to play with. Unfortunately, whenever he goes over to his house to play, there is not much supervision. Evidently, this kid's house is the gathering spot for all the neighborhood kids (they have a pool). One little boy that goes there to play always seems to cause my sweet, adorable son to come home in tears. Once, he pushed a kid twice his size on him in a jumping thing at a party. The other day, he tried to CHOKE him while they were swimming. I don't mean just a little hands on the neck, either. Andrew couldn't breath. When I came to get him, Andrew was playing video games inside by himself (it had happened about thirty minutes prior to the time I was scheduled to pick him up). No call from the mom in charge (she has problems of her own).
Let me make a few things clear, here. Andrew wouldn't hurt a fly. He is my sweet child, the one who notices if I am down and says, "Don't worry, Mommy," and thanks me for all I do around the house. So I know he isn't doing anything to provoke these attacks. In fact he said his friend blamed him for doing something, and that is what set the boy off. Also, I tutor this little boy (the friend whose house they were at) and have for years.
What should I do? Should I call the boy's mom who tried to choke Andrew and tell her, or should I leave it alone? I don't want this kid to bully Andrew anymore. I know all the other kids made him feel horrible for what he did to Andrew, and the mom in charge said she did say that was wrong. Please help this unhappy mommy find happiness again...
The Six "Be's"- Gordon B. Hinckley
Friday, July 18, 2008
Need Your Advice
Posted by Laurie Kolp at 6:14 AM
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5 comments:
I say call. I would want to know if my son was doing something like that. Unfortunately, though, she may not even do anything about it. If it is not a big deal whether or not he goes over there, maybe I would stop sending him if it doesn't get better. Take him for ice cream or to the park for some special time together. This is always tough. I am actually dealing with this myself...Tye was bit 3 times the other day, one with a hickey in the middle, so it was pretty hard. I am trying to figure out the best way to handle this, too. Tye can instigate his share of "fights" (he's only 2), but 3 bites is a little extreme. Good luck with whatever you decide. I may email you on the side and maybe both of us can help each other through this!
Yeah, I agree...call. Call as a concerned parent like you are for both boys. Maybe this other boy has been bulled also and is passing it along. (he had to learn it somewhere)
I think it will make you feel at ease and if nothing changes which I think the chance is high it wont, at least you tried to make it better for the boys.
Maybe next time your son wants to go and play at this home ask if you can stay and help out. Then you can keep an eye on the situation thats happening. And if something does occur you can step in.
Good Luck, let us know how it goes. We'd like to hear.
Alisa...yeah those were really bad bites, you've got to say something. Since it's after the fact theres nothing else you can do. And maybe the other mommy will be aware and be on the look out so it doesn't happen again. At least thats all you can hope for.
Last thought I think as long as both of you do it in a positive and concerned way then it'll work out and you wont be met with any resistance from the other parents.
Good Luck again...
This is such an age-old struggle for children of all ages. (Gabi gets bullied sometimes as well). I like to think about what the effects of bullying will be long-term. When Gabi's 25, she's much more likely to be resentful towards me for NOT stepping in rather than resentful for me being a concerned, caring parent. And, the people that you're concerned about offending will probably be long forgotten many, many years from now. The point is, if there's ever an opportunity to stick up for, defend, or show your love for your child - do it. But, do so tactfully, open-minded, and lovingly.
I'm sure this is tough on you. I would call as well. Even if the other mom does nothing, you've at least brought it out into the open. I would maybe start inviting the other boy to your house so you know they will be surpervised. That's pretty scary knowing that your son wasn't watched while over there. Anything can go wrong when kids aren't supervised.
Good luck!!
Wow Alisa! That's bad that Tye was bit 3 times. I would definitely call on that too-that's something that shouldn't be happening.
Good luck to both of you!! :)
This is a tough one. On the one hand, it would be great for the mom to know that her child is being a bully. On the other hand, I can't see how you could say it without offending the mom. I mean, none of us would want someone to tell us that our child is a bully. Maybe the best thing would be to just not spend time around the child who is being a bully unless you can be there to supervise constantly. But, that wouldn't be much fun either. I guess if the mom were to ask why you aren't interested in any more "playdates" then you could just say that to be honest, your child is scared of her child hurting him/her. This really would be a touchy situation. Good luck!
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