Here's part 1
All I can say is being a parent to a teenager is A LOT of work. More than the feeding, diaper changing, and patience it takes with toddlers and infants at home.
To catch you up...
My niece has been living with us for three or four months now. We switched her school this week, our idea--her decision. To get her a fresh start in a new environment. She has been attending more and more church functions upon our request with out too much resistance. We had to ground her once for skipping and failing in school. She brought all her grades up and since has not skipped to my knowledge. She is doing great!!
The Problem:
She still has one fight with us(me) on a regular basis. Going to friends houses I have asked her to stay away from. I have even made an effort to let her hang out elsewhere...here and at the movies. She knows how to play the game well. Giving enough information then leaving the rest out. Situation: Dad(my brother) picks her up Friday night to stay with him, or so I thought, and was told. Less than an hour later I get a call from her mom "did you know Samantha is at this friends house?" "No." and that was the truth. "I thought we talked about this?" Now I am getting the third degree from my X-sister in law..."We did, I will call and take care of it." Call Sam...no answer, she is avoiding me. Call Dad (my brother)...bright with sunshine "Hi, Is Sam around?" "No, I dropped her off at a friends(notice he didn't say who)." Still miss sunshine, "Oh, what friends? I just tried to call her." He tells me who. "Oh, well I thought we agreed she could not go there?" My brother, "Not for short periods of time, no..." (a lie, I later find out he actually gave her permission to spend the night) "Well she was being sneaking telling me she was going with you tonight then having you drop her off. I do not appreciate it." I am a little annoyed at him because he is also being selective with his words(lying). "She probably just left her phone somewhere I will track her down and talk to her about it." "I'll try again, Thanks." The second time she picked up and I asked her what the heck is going on. We went back and forth for 20 minutes. Finally I told her she couldn't stay the night like her father had given permission and to call him to pick her up. Samantha refuses so I call. He say he will. A while later I find out he is still allowing her to stay! SO, I tell her no she can not and Jess is picking her up.
This same thing has happen numerous times. And today I really was tired of it. My brother, her dad will be hearing from me again and it won't be pleasant. Maybe the chewing I am going to give him might finally change something.
Thanks for listening.
The Six "Be's"- Gordon B. Hinckley
Friday, January 25, 2008
Making a difference in a teenagers life. Part 2
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5 comments:
YOU ARE A SAINT!!!! (I am now prostrating myself before you in deepest respect). Sometime she will truly recognize the love you are showing her......it WILL happen. Until then I'm imagining a u-lock, chains, bars,......maybe some good strong rope......oh, and many prayers to give you lots of extra energy, patience, and guidance. I think you are an angel, Mary!
Wow, how frustrating! I agree with Andrea on what a good job you are doing. Way to go on sticking to your guns, that is a hard battle to win with a teenager. I'm glad that Sam has you to help her and protect her!
I agree with Andrea and Sara. Also, you have to have the support of your brother. Unfortunately, without that, it is going to be even more difficult. You are not her parent...and that is how she sees it. It is not fair to put you in this position, and, honestly, I would give it a little more time, and if doesn't improve, her parents need to step up and be parents. This is in no way fair to you, or Avery or Adyson. I don't want to be the negative one, and you know how much I admire you for what you are doing, but enough is enough. You have done a fantastic job the last few months, but, really, her parents need to take the responsibility. And if she moves back in with one of them, and makes some mistakes, well, haven't we all? She will be ok. The foundation has been laid, and she knows that you will always be there. Like Andrea said, she will most definitely thank you one day...probably the day she is about to look across the alter at her eternal companion. We will all keep you in our hearts and prayers. Hang in there. Call me if you want to vent any of this out loud.
This situation must be so frustrating for you! I worry about how it's going to be when my girls are teenagers. But, I can't imagine how difficult it must be when you're not receiving support from her parents. That is so important. I agree with Alisa that if your brother and sister-in-law continue to behave this way then you may need to flat out tell them that this is not working. I think that deep down your niece knows that you love her and want what's best for her. I know that will make a positive impact on her. You and your family will be in my prayers.
I agree w/ what everyone else is saying. I know you guys are doing a great job with her, but it sounds like you guys need to lay the law down w/ Sam and her parents. They need to respect you guys and your rules. They can't seem to be good parents, and follow rules or else Sam wouldn't be living with you if they were. They all need to stop taking advantage of the situation and respect you guys more. Good job for taking care of the problem.
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