Hello all! Im so glad to be a part of this awesome opportunity for moms that Alisa has put together! I was wondering if after having a second child if anyone felt extreme guilt for the first child. Meaning I feel bad for my Garrett that he is having to miss out on certain things due to Emily being so small! My parents keep her as much as they can so we can take him to birthday parties and I bring him to playdates but it is so hard during the day if she doesnt nap or is cranky for me to spend the one on one time we had before. The house is a mess and I get so frustrated at times! I even had to stop nursing our daughter because Garrett was really not taking to it! He stopped eating and would cry alot and try to hit her! Now that she is bottle feeding things are better but at times I really feel like I have ten babies instead of two! Any suggestions or things anyone did to make the transition smoother or get pass this trying time with a little less tears...from my eyes mainly..not theirs!!!
Nikia
The Six "Be's"- Gordon B. Hinckley
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Suggestions
Posted by Nikia at 2:13 PM
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7 comments:
I feel your pain, Nikia. I think most of the rest of the moms on here do, too. One thing I tried was to make him feel as useful as possible. He was 17 months old when Kenadie was born (around the same as Garrett and Emily.) The problem with that was that at that age, there is not a lot they can actually do. They think they can do everything, but sometimes they just make huge messes. Michael tries really hard to spend a lot of time with him, too. See if BJ can take him outside, to McDonald's, the park, just somewhere where he feels like he is the one getting all the attention. Also, this is a good time to start consistently disciplining. Tye's "terrible 2's" started around then...6 months early! I am a huge fan of Supernanny, and so I am trying the "naughty chair." I bought a $3 plastic chair, and that is what I use for it. It seems if I am consistent with that, he is much better. He throws tantrums, but I can usually diffuse them. They also need an outlet...like running outside! Bring him over and we need to talk! As soon as I recover from my trip, you are coming to play!!!
Let me know when you are ready!!
Hi Nikia! I agree with everything Alisa said. It's so important to let the older child help no matter what their age. Even though most of the time it can make life even messier for the parents. It seems like adjusting to having a sibling is hard on most children. But I think it's even harder on 1 to 2 yr olds. And the terrible two's are a terrible misnomer! Natalie started those at about 1.5 and they lasted till around 3 or so. But, like Alisa said, being consistent really helps. I think it's a great idea for you and Alisa to get together. No one can better understand your frustrations that another mom in the same boat! I know you're both great moms and your children are blessed to have you.
Hi Nikia! Welcome to the group....it's so nice to hear about every family and what we are all up to and endure. I'm Andrea and I'm a SAHM and had 5 children in 7 years. I had a couple comments about the eczema and the sibling rivalry. Eczema is a pain! I have one son who struggles a lot with it. I have found it helps to use any of the more intensive moisturizers (and occasionally a prescription if really bad), but to switch to a different one after about a week so that the skin doesn't build a resistance to one particular moisturizer. Good luck with that! As for the sibling rivalry......ARGH! Why do these little cherubs we bring into the world guilt us out so much! I think with my #2 child, I tried to cater way too much to my first. By the time I had my 5th, I simply explained to all the other kids (including my 1 year old) that ALL of us are going to have a brand new role in the family, and that rather than making each of us less important it makes us more responsible, more patient, and with more love for everyone. I know how you feel about the nursing issue. My 4th and 5th babies are BARELY a year apart. I had a little 3 month old and discovered I was feeling a little sick and by the time she was 5 months old I discovered I was well into another pregnancy. I managed to nurse all through the pregnancy with no trouble but when the new baby was born she got cut off cold turkey from the nursing during my 2 day hospital stay. When I came home, I didn't think I could keep up with nursing 2 of them and I was wondering if I should just bottle feed the new baby. My husband suggested to me that I need to do what is best for each child based on their specific needs. The need of the newborn was to be nursed, and the need of the one year old was to feel loved but to also accept that her life is taking a new direction and she has to cope with that. It was rough but she got through it and is very close with her baby sister. I almost think that due to the fact that she gave up something she really enjoyed for the benefit of the baby made them even closer. I work hard to even take ten seconds with each of my 5 kiddos and just say, "You know, I love you so much and you mean the world to me because.....(fill in the gap according to the personality of the kiddo). It's amazing how much more power that has over trying to just please them by trying to please them by conforming to their demands. I also had a child psychologist tell me that attempting to gain control and temper tantrums are part of a healthy developmental stage. So when we have one flopping on the floor screeching and yelling we say, "AWWWW! Look at our healthy developing sweetheart!"
THanks so much for all the advice yall!!
I have to agree with everyone, all you ladies have such good advice and experiences. I just want to point out that like Andrea said the whole family has new roles now with a new baby and the older kid(s) are trying to find there place but struggle because routine is where they strive and change is harder on them than we know. Because we adjust better. The terrible two's I think is partly the age but also partly the change that has occurred in your family. I had my two girls further apart, they are about three years apart, and Avery has had worse terrible threes than twos. It may be her personality but I really think that it was the new role she had to adjust to. Some of the new bad behavior might just be acting out for attention and love. Andrea, I thought had great advice saying to remember those hugs and verbally telling them how much you love and care for them. That goes a long way. Alisa, has a great idea too...give you kid(s) friends. They need them just as much as we all do. And it'll help you out too.
Reminds me of a book...The Five Love Languages for Children, it's a good book. One of the things I took from it was that children will behave better if you make them feel secure and loved, unconditionally. Don't think that while your baby is napping you'd better get the house work done, sit down with your older child and read a book or color instead. That's taken me a long time to learn. And if your husband comes home and wonders why the house is a mess, tell him you were giving his and your kids much needed love instead. Then make him play with them while you get some cleaning done.
Hi Nikia,
I'm with everyone else. Our son was barely 2 when we had our daughter. He didn't act out a whole lot, but he would act out. His worst was when I was feeding. It's hard trying to figure out what to do. The house's a mess, you need to take of youself, the baby, your son and so on and so on. I know with Bryce, I made sure that I made time to be with just him during the day. It's a hard adjustment on everyone with a new baby. The other thing is I let family and friends I trusted take him. That allowed him to get his one and one attention he needed. He always came back so happy. I at first felt horrible when he left, because I felt like I was failing him. We also kept him very involved with helping w/ the baby, and he loved it. He would get burb clothes or help me burp her and so on. That really made him feel a lot better. Remember-take it one day at a time and don't get overwhelmed if the house isn't clean. Just enjoy your kiddos. It does get easier.
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