Preface: This was sent in an email, and I have to say that this time, because Michael is a big help (usually) around the house.
How do you get your husband to help out around the house? Sometimes, backgrounds, cultures, upbringing, and so-forth cause men to think that it is a woman's "job" to do all the housework and child-rearing. When a man is brought up like this, it is very hard to change his mind. So, have any of you dealt with something like this, and if so, how have you dealt with it??
**I used to keep a daily chore chart. I would have daily duties that I would cross off as I did them during the day. When Michael got home, he just had to look at the chart and see what else had to be done. It always annoys me when I have to tell him the trash is full, or dishes need to be done, but this way, no words have to be exchanged, but he still knows what has to be done. I have not done this in months, but I may go back to it. It really did work when we stuck to it.
**I also think sitting down and having a serious talk about it helps. Let him know how you feel. Being a wife and mother is a very difficult "job" and men do not see it that way unless they are told. I think leaving them alone with the kids for a day or two usually opens their eyes, too!
The Six "Be's"- Gordon B. Hinckley
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Helpful Hubby...
Posted by Alisa at 8:58 PM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
i like the list thing, alisa. i have zero ideas or advice on this one....good luck! lol. jess isn't terrible but he isn't helpful either. He wouldn't b able to tell you when the last time he did laundry, cleaned a toilet, swept, or mopped was! (the list could go on...) I can't even get him to mow on a regular basis and isn't that a "mans job"?
sorry not trying to complain or grip...lol.
This is a tough one, because everyone has different ideas on how much their husband should help and everyone's situation is different. I think that child-rearing should certainly be a dual effort--completely. As far as housework goes, I really don't expect Coult to clean the toilets, mop, things like that (although he would and certainly has) He works so hard during the day to support our family and allow me to stay home to be a full-time wife and mother that I just feel like I'm showing my appreciation for that by doing what I consider to be my part. Yard-work is usually a family effort. I don't mind mowing, but I hate to use the weed-eater, so he always does that. That things scares me! LOL I've never worked outside of the home since I had children, but from what I've heard and can imagine, it would be very tiring to put in a full day's work at your outside job and then have to come home and clean the house, cook the meals, etc. So, I guess my philosophy is that I would feel bad it I thought that Coult should have to do all that on top of his job. Now, if a mom/wife is working outside of the home, then most definetely the dad/husband should split the housework with her. She shouldn't be expected to go to her job and then come home and take care of everything else too. I know I'm blessed to have a husband that would gladly help with cleaning the bathrooms, etc if I asked him, because he has in the past when I wasn't feeling well or he could tell I was completely exhausted. He is also good about playing with the kids at the end of the day to give me a mental break. He knows I need it and is always quick to say that he wouldn't be able to replace me. I don't really have any advice except that if your husband doesn't help with the children at all and won't even lift a finger to help with the dishes when he can see you are clearly exhausted, then I would sit down with him and explain that sometimes you need some help and that it would be beneficial to you and the entire family if he would get up and help out! Sometimes men just need things spelled out for them. I'm working on reminding myself of that when I think that Coult should have noticed something and didn't. If I point it out, he will gladly help, but sometimes he can be oblivious. I think that's just how men can be. Good luck with the situation and I hope that others have some helpful advice for you!
I like your comment, Amy. So insightful. :) I especially like that you brought, and I think is so important, that we are willing to help our spouses (wife and/or husband, both ways) with whatever it is they need help with. Sometimes just the willingness and respect is enough to make us feel better.
You gave great advice without even knowing it! Thanks.
I love the idea of the list. My husband will not help around the house. It comes from when I was a stay at home mom. Now I also work full time and we have 3 kids, but he has never gone to the grocery store, washed clothes, or anything. We fight about it but it does not help, so I have given up.
My take on this is that I know he is tired after working all day, but so am I. I know he would like to come home and relax. So would I. Instead, after dinner I still have dishes to do, the kitchen to sweep, toys to pick up, etc. When do I get to "come home" from work?
I am willing to do all that I can during the day, make dinner, etc. But once he is done working and dinner is over, I expect him to split the rest of the work evenly with me.
Do you think that is fair?
Ahhh, the joys of motherhood. No sick days, no vacation time, no paycheck. No fair! ;) But, I know we will be blessed, and are blessed daily, for our sacrifices. Not that that makes it any easier when you have a husband who is oblivious to the help you need. I don't think there's anything wrong with expecting him to help with the dishes and to put toys away at the end of the day. Like you said, you have had a tiring day too. I was referring more to cooking, laundry, cleaning bathrooms, that type of thing. Of course, if he helped you with those types of things, it would certainly be a loving gesture and would go a long way to make you feel more appreciated. How old are your child/children? As mine have gotten older, we have assigned them their own kitchen "chores". Of course, for a toddler it may be something as simple as helping someone dry dishes or maybe putting their own dishes in the sink. As they get older, my girls kitchen jobs have gotten harder, depending on their capabilities. We also had them help pick up toys at the end of the day, once they were capable. It's more work when they are younger to get them to "help", but it teaches them responsibility and also will eventually make kitchen clean-up and picking up the house at the end of the day, into a family affair instead of just you. This is a constant battle though, because no one else in my house really cares if things are picked up at the end of the day, only me. ;) But, I still make the kids put their things away. Maybe your husband will see that everyone is helping out, so he should too. You may need to sit down with him and just explain how over-whelmed you feel. He may not have noticed. I don't know how husbands can not notice, but they often time don't even see the mess around them. I hope he helps you more in the future.
I agree with what everyone is saying, but husbands do still need to help around the house. It is their home, too. I say give the list a shot, you may be surprised!
Together we save--sounds like you and Natalie are in the same situation. You may be able to bounce ideas off each other to get through this. I get frustrated with my husband when he doesn't help, but when I tell him what needs to be done, he does it, with no complaints or anything. So, I don't know if I can fully relate. I still like the chore list idea, and it worked wonders when I did it on a consistent basis. Hang in there!
Question: Does your husband/family ever complain to you that you are always cleaning or doing house work?
My husband (and my niece...thanks to him) does and it drives me CRAZY!!!! I don't think I am a nut about cleaniness but when one person is doing work for five it is never ending even if it is the evening time or a Sunday. I've told them it bugs me when they rag on me for doing my job. I've also told them to help pick up after themselves but it seems like it doesn't change.
Post a Comment