What are some ways you guys discipline? I am struggling with that right now. TIme out is a joke now with my kids, and I try to be consistent, but it doesn't seem to affect them. I think I am going to try taking away priveleges and maybe some favorite toys, but there are some instances that those things just don't seem to cover the act...like flat out saying "no" and hitting me, and things like that. I can tell you what I want to do...but I am trying to control my temper and keep things calm. Any suggestions on what works for you?
The Six "Be's"- Gordon B. Hinckley
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
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Alisa, I know how that feels. We found that Gabi really responded to a visual. We keep a sticker chart for her now. She earns stickers to put towards something she really wants - toy, book, game, etc. When she does good things, she gets to add a sticker. When she does bad things, we take one off. To see the loss of a sticker that she worked really hard for works for her. And, it's cut down on the "gimmes" she gets in the stores sometimes because she knows she can't have anything unless she earns it.
Good luck! Hope you find something that works for your kiddos.
I have no idea. How's that for an answer :). We are constantly trying new things too and I think that the reason is because my kids are constantly changing. They are growing up. Sniff. We pretty much take privileges away the most. We have to be on our toes always thinking of things that will really be a sacrifice for them. Right now when Luke gets in trouble we make him go to bed before Jacob. It starts with 5 minutes earlier and works it's way up in 5 minute intervals depending on the crime. Let me tell you, he hates it. He HATES going to bed before Jacob. We just have to threaten it and usually he complies. When he doesn't obey we remind him what he did wrong as we put him to bed early. Now, this punishment wouldn't work for Jacob, because he wouldn't care. So for him it's something different. He loses Wii time. Same concept - Good behavior=privileges, bad behavior=loss of privileges. It is really the same idea as time outs but as they get older time outs aren't as big of a sacrifice for them as it was when they were toddlers. Anyway, good luck. I am looking forward to reading everyones responses.
Holli-I did the sticker charts for a while, and they did work. I may have to try that again. Sara-good suggestions. I know going to bed is a big thing with both of ours, so that would be a good thing to try. Thanks!
Good question. I hope more ppl respond because I'd like to know what they say.
Isabel (2 yrs next month) just LAUGHS and giggles when I put her in time out!!!
I really like Jane Nelsen's Positive Discipline books. She also has a website and blog:
positivediscipline.com
http://blog.positivediscipline.com/
One thing she says is try to be an asking parent instead of a telling parent. Instead of telling them, "Put your dishes in the sink," ask, "Where do your dishes go when your done with them?"
or "what should we do to get all the food off your teeth or so the bugs don't eat your teeth?" instead of telling them "go brush your teeth."
I've also learned not to ask yes or no questions because they too often say no!
I checked out one of those sites, and it is really insightful. Thanks for sharing!
We are always changing our methods too. We did the reward chart which worked well for good behavior for us but not as well for bad.
When Ady hits I hold her arms crossed tight so she can't more until she tell me she is done hitting. Then we make her apologize to whom ever she hit. That stops her hitting every time.
We've washed our kids mouths out with soap as well. I know it sounds like something our parents did but isn't used anymore...but for things like bitting it seems to work. Avery thought she was SO cute and funny biting a few months ago until we scrubbed soap on her mouth then she found out it was not "fun". Unfortunately it hasn't stopped completely.
I taken privileges away as well. Things like they can't lay with friends, watch TV, ect...some times those suck to take away though bc they are nice quite times for me.
Right now our biggest battle is bedtime...OUr girls wont stay in bed and it takes an hour or longer for them to go to sleep. Any suggestions on that? They share a room and we don't have any other options as far as that goes...
Play not lay...with friends...
Alisa you know what a bad idea laying with friends can be! ;-)
;) not a good subject...
I wish I knew the right answers. Unfortunately, my oldest is 13 and I'm still trying to figure it out. LOL But really, I think it's like everyone is saying--it's a constant process of trial and error. What works for awhile, may stop working for no apparent reason. Also, each child is different. So what works for one, may not work for another. Positive reinforcements seem to be the most effective for our kids, but not always. Taking away privileges sometimes works too. But, like Mary said, that may end up being more of a punishment for the parents, usually the mom ;) I have been thinking lately that since our children are really God's children too, maybe we should pray for some advice from Him. After all, He knows them best. Now if I could just take my own advice....
I like the first point you made there, but I am not sure I could reasonably apply that in a postive way.
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